As I continue to write my life story, I am relieved and grateful that my dark chapters are behind me. Those dark chapters was when I was actively gambling.
I started gambling ever since I was young. The innocent, just for fun in-house card games to sports betting. I did it to add thrill to my favorite games and to make easy money. Little did I know that something inside me was already forming. Life went on and I was able to hold down multiple jobs in the local Finance industry. Making money was always on my mind. The nature of my job mixed with the sprouting addiction in me proved to be be a very powerful disease. A twice a month visit to the casino became weekly visits. The weekly visit became daily, until it came to a point that I practically lived in the casino. There were even times that I play 24-36 hours straight thinking that I am still normal.
To fuel the person I had become, I had to slowly destroy other peoples lives too. I lied, I cheated, I stole, I deceived and manipulated my way to total self destruction. I was wearing many masks to show I am in control and sane, but it was all in my head wrapped with denial. I was already out of control which brought out insanity and and desperation in me. I was on a steady diet of self denial and lies just to keep going.
At the rate that I was going back then, I was only heading to three things – prison, total insanity or to my death. As I spiral down to my bottom, I only had one choice and that is to give up. I just had to surrender because I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired. Part of giving up was accepting that I needed professional help and a support group. That was when I was introduced to Gamblers Anonymous.
I met men and women who were like me. I met men and women who were powerless over gambling. I met men and women who has a relationship with their Higher Power. I met men and women saved by grace. I met men and women who wants a new way of life without placing a bet. I met men and women who takes it one day at a time. I met men and women praying for serenity. I met men and women who are more than willing to help. I met men and women who relates to me. I met men and women who fights everyday to stay stopped from gambling. I met men and women in recovery. I met myself and a new Higher Power through this program. On some days, I meet my former self through the newcomers. Reminding me that I can never go back. I know that my gambling addiction can never be cured but can only be arrested. The program keeps my disease at bay through constant fellowship with these men and women with a unified desire to stop gambling. The program will only work if I continue to work it on a daily basis. With gratitude and thanksgiving, so far it is.
My name is Ron and I am a gambling addict. My last bet was April 17, 2019.